How #45 Should Parlay His Bizarre Public Speaking "Skills" Into a Third Career

There is an old SNL sketch called "Wedding Toast," featuring Hugh Laurie as the guest host of the week and Ed Helms trying to keep control of the microphone when guests go rogue and kill the vibe.  I always remember the stand out in that sketch was Will Forte.  He enters the scene, announcing himself as the friend of a cousin, sporting a terrible platinum blonde bowl haircut and deeply, deeply offensive beliefs. He goes off on several offensive and, at times, racist tangents centering on the terrible mistake America had made by electing Black Obama. Honestly, the sketch itself totally cracks me up, but any time I see Tr(D)ump on the mic, it evokes that image of Will Forte. Being tone deaf and insensitive. On a microphone.  At the worst moment possible.

Honestly, Forty-five is the WORST PERSON TO GIVE A PLATFORM. While I know that many of us know that, it is worth repeating.  And it is worth continually pointing out how miserably he fails any time he is expected to both be presidential AND verbal. It is cringe-tastic every fucking, goddamn time.

This week -- Forty-five was given a microphone, was told the category would be bat-shit crazy white man realness (because he came dressed for a 4pm dinner reservation at the Red Lobster), then he was unleashed on the people of flood ravaged Texas.  And what did he do? He fucking rambled.



That entire flight from Washington, DC, and he couldn't do better than "What a crowd, what a turn out"??? I mean, really. And Obama relies on teleprompters.  Does NO ONE recall his insane rants about Obama being the "Speech-Giver-In-Chief"?  This man is like a crispity, crackety, flavorless, stale corporate conference emcee. "Your governor has done a fantastic job...this is HISTORIC...it's EPIC..." Is he closing a three day conference in a Des Moines banquet hall?

And so, that leads me to my title, it nothing else, Forty-five can stall on a hot mic.  It sucks.  It's not good stalling.  It's a bunch of strung together words that make people think that he's really excited about something that's not worth being excited about, but it's interesting to watch because no one can tell if he's serious, if he's being sarcastic, or if he's had a stroke.  This man couldn't make a dime charging for speeches, BUT -- he could be the next Master of Ceremonies at every Koch Industries Conclave for the next decade!

You're welcome, Tr(D)ump. I am happy to contribute to your legacy planning.

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