10 People blathering on my TV box - Sunday Edition

Ahoy, mateys. It's the Sunday morning round-up; and, for reasons of mass appeal, it's Jesus-free.

1. Dick Armey - No, not an arm(e)y of dicks, just the man trying to create one. The former Texas congressman is on Meet the Press talking about how Freedom Works is not an evil organization associated with tea bagging, it's a fun coalition of 2nd Amendment enthusiasts who just happen to believe Obama is an evil terrorist/zombie Hitler and enjoy putting their balls in each other's mouths every chance they get.
2. Kathleen Sebelius - HHS Secretary was on This Week talking about "death panels", making me lose my breakfast. If I hear another person talk about Obama's evil villain plot to kill old people, I'm going to smack my grandma. Sebelius says that reform opponents are using ridiculous scare tactics to make people afraid of health care legislation. You'd think the dems could strike back with the ultimate scare tactic - send everyone a copy of their health insurance fine print. Good luck getting that experimental surgery you need to stay alive. It's not covered.
3. Kent Conrad - Well disguised (or not so well, it depends on how much of this junk you pay attention to) insurance neo-lobbyist was on Fox News Sunday supporting some kind of weird Health Care Co-Op plan, where by you get what you put in, or something like that. Unfortunately, Kent (douchebag name, btw) has no facts or information or details of any kind to support his health care co-op, and I'm pretty sure he's stealing ideas from the hippies, but he'd never admit it.
4. Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY) - Rangle was on Meet the Press and made it very clear that he doesn't know what would prevail in the Senate. Literally, he said those exact words. So we're all justified in being deeply concerned by our elected officials incompetence. They don't even know how anything gets done in their own workplace. He's yelling at David Gregory about people that have health care, people that need health care, people that have jobs but no health care and can type 75 wpm, and people with red cars that have no health care, but use to and are left handed...I don't know what he's yelling about, but it doesn't matter, because it looks to me like he qualifies to stand before a death panel. NEXT GUEST!
5. Bill Sammon - Was also on Fox News Sunday talking about how crazy idiots with guns scaring people in public have made these health care town halls "game changers". Congratulations, crazies! On the other hand, Michael Vick's brother, Marcus Vick, has been known to brandish a gun in public and intimidate innocent people and, for that reason, they both should be shot and dragged through the streets and neither of them should ever, EVER be able to play in the NFL. Ever.
6. Sen. Arlen Specter (D/R/D/? - PA) - Spoke on This Week about how town halls aren't a realistic representation of crazy Americans. Clearly he's not an over-educated elite who wishes he were European. Americans are crazy, dumb, and fat. Did he not get the "How to be a Dem" memo?
7. Rachel Maddow - Is on Meet the Press being a super lesbian - the only thing she really knows how to do - and scaring Dick Armey because she might infect him, and he is sooooo opposed to having gay sex, you have no idea. Tea bagging is allowed, though. Right now, she's talking about how a public option is important because being able to buy private insurance across state lines will not do anything when private insurance sucks all around. I'm just wondering why she always has a pen in her hand while she speaks. When does she write? What does she write? It's weird.
8. Bill Press - Is arguing with Brad Blakeman on MSNBC Live, defending democrats, and claiming that they are actually doing something other than tearing our grandparents' 'merica apart.
9. Brad Blakeman - Is giggling on MSNBC Live because Bill Press claims dems are doing something, but everyone knows they are all over the map because liberals can't get anything done when they have control over two branches of government. I know, Brad, it's hilarious isn't it?
10. Ceci Connolly - Once again sat in on Fox News Sunday and listened to repubs explain their various conspiracy theories involving Barack Obama -- the most outrageous the better. She defended the use of town halls by arguing that dems had no idea the crazies would come out with guns and weird Thomas Jefferson quotes a la Timothy McVeigh (the domestic terrorist).

There you go...you missed nothing. If you left your house over the last two weeks and/or turned on the television or radio, then you know health care reform is the only thing people are allowed to talk about. So, natch, it was all over the political shows today.

ENJOY!!